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hello all! 'tis one of my many days off (seems that's all i have anymore lol) and i found the time, energy and tolerance to update ya! woohooo, alert the media. i guess i'll start where i left off last time :) 4th of julyyy!!!so we went to my dad's for this...he had it on the 2nd i think...but anywayz. all my friends showed up at my house and we all rode over there together. i was watching the BOONDOCK SAINTS when kaye came over and she saw a good chunk of it and now wants to see the rest WOOT lol! but i digress...so we got to my dad's - it was me, jason, kaye, megan and jenny...and my family and my dad's neighbors and bunch of other people i really didn't know lol. but it was good times, good times. jason was being all nervous around my dad and stuff lol. he was like "what do i call him?" lol it was funny. we just hung out and ate and stuff. megan decided she wanted to go get some of her own little fireworks (sparklers and such) so the 5 of us piled into her car and away we went. jason smuggled some bottle rockets into the car and was shooting them out the window! it was hilarious cuz the embers kept fling into the backseat and were hitting jenny and she was like "he's a dumbass!! he's doing it again!" and when he turned around and asked what she was yelling about she was like "you keep burning me you asshole!" LMAO it was so hilarious...it makes me crack up, even now lmao. well, we made it back from that adventure in one piece...then it was slowly starting to get dark and they started lighting off some of the bigger stuff. megan's leg almost got blown off by a renegade bottle rocket jason lit up...it was scary at first, but it was funny afterwards because megan always catches on fire or something everytime she comes to a 4th of july party with me...or pretty much anytime there are explosives around lol. the fireworks were awesome!! awesome!! lol. $4,000 worth shot up over the lake. kaye was there, taking a bunch of pictures (as you will soon see lol) and it was just a fun time :) i think we all had fun anyway :) here are the pix for your enjoyment lol
i look ghetto preppy...i dunno what's going on lol
megan and jenny bein' silly lol
my cousin xtopher...cheeese!
let's get toooooooasted!!!!
we're weird, we know it lol
my dad cooking some eats...nummies!
no exactly sure what's happenin, but it is lol
iiiiiii don't know what jason's looking at LOL
me and kaye posin' like a fuck lol
ooo this was great!!! i tackled megan cuz she ripped my hot dog bun out of my mouth and she went flying through the garage door LMAO...she was alright...laughing her ass of on the floor LOL it was great - i felt powerful HUH!!!!
squeeeeze!
sloppy kisses for tyke LOL
buddy christ yo!!
craaazy jenny! watch it, she'll take you out!
the backyard...about to be blown to pieces in a few short hours.
this is what happens when you forget to gel your hair...someone will do it for you lol!
megan, being contemplative...
AAH!!!!! this is the ugliest thing you can contort your face into...try it, scare your friends!!!
kaye and jenny, cheesin'!
apparently it's a good call of some sort.
talkin to some of the people...our asses weew falling asleep, we had to get up.
  
fireworks :D
one of those kodak moments, i suppose...it's nice :)
jason picking out one of my nose goblins.
trying to get all of us in the picture...and we're fighting over a glow stick bracelet thingy lol
the hovering megan lmao
all of us trying to do a circle thing...jason's feet are in it so it counts! lol
when you scratch my head, i giggle...ticklish everywhere lol
the amazing nancy (my dad's girlfriend) drunk on the table...yeah, she wants to hang out with us lol
so, last saturday kaye's man musole came over here for a visit. i haven't seen him in years!!! kaye asked if we all wanted to hang out...in secrecy cuz her parents would FLIP FLIP FLIP! if they knew she was hanging out with him...the reason for that, i don't know, but whatever. we were gonna rok it. so we all had this idea that we would go hang out downtown for the night. it was double date i suppose lol. it was funny cuz kaye told her parents that she was just going to hang out with me and jason and they got mad at her, saying that if the two of us wanted to hang out, she shouldn't be "tagging along" or something crazy like that lol. it was hilarious because they had no idea! but anywayz...we went downtown and saw PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 2: DEAD MAN'S CHEST at circle center mall. OMG amaaaazing!!!! the ending is WOO!!! makes you wanna see the 3rd one NOW lol go see it if you havent. then we went to jillian's for bowling and eats :) the first song that they played after we sat down at our lane was DIRRTY! me and kaye were like "AAAAH!!!" lol! so we knew we were gonna have tons-o-fun lol...and we did! we hung out there until 9 cuz that was when everyone who was under 21 had to leave...which, i'm the only one amongst us who isn't 21, so i felt bad for that, but i think we were all bowled out anyway. so we walked back to the car...omg i love walking around downtown...me and kaye were in freakin' heaven lol. jason was driving all crazy, so it was an interesting ride home...we stopped at meijer cuz kaye's mom wanted her to buy a movie lol. when we got back to my house, we watched some joe cartoon (hilarious, if you haven't seen them!) and then they went home...it was fun fun fun!!! i don't have all the pix back from that yet cuz kaye has been busy, but musole posted a couple of his...so here's a couple of me and jason at jillians:
 
fun times, fun times...well, i think that's all i've got for the moment...no work rant today, because it's not freakin' worth it. i had an awesome interview at the Harley Shop and i'm waiting to hear back from them so i'm hoping!!! :) anywho, i will see you guys next time - thank you for playing!!! :D
Current Mood:  relaxed |
hello fellow insomniacs. how are ya? me? not sleepy, that's for sure. jason is already asleep and my sister and her friends are getting stoned in the next room, so i find myself here, hoping the light of the screen will weigh down my eyelids and i can find some sleep. so, as jason snores lightly behind me, i shall update you all (if there are any of you out there) on the haps of my life...yay...it starts...
so i'm pretty much over the whole "kevin left the bsb" thing. i didn't stay that upset for that long either, which is surprising to most, especially myself. pretty much after i posted that "speechless" blog, i kinda got over it. maybe it's because i'm still in shock or maybe it's because the rest of the Boys are still going to make music together - i don't know. i do know that i am glad that i'm not devastated. i have too much to be upset about in my life right now lol. the crumble and downfall of the group that saved my life is not something i' prepared to deal with right now. but, alas the group, although one member short, is still together and singing and that will do me just fine for now :)
my MP3 player is broken. BROKEN. why? because someone around here (my sister's friend who lives here too) is on her rag and decided to shove me down the stairs because i was in her way. i was holding what i refer to as my "musical savoir" in my hands and when i went to catch myself from falling down the stairs, my DJ flew out of my hands and landed, no not on the carpet where it may have been saved, but on the hard CONCRETE laundry room floor. grrrreat....i put too much faith in it's durability because i said "eh, it'll be fine." more like i was trying to convince myself of as much. jason tried to turn it on and goes "honey, you broke it!" FUUUUUUCK....but OH! it's gets better! it's not under warranty anymore...not by 3 DAYS! so i can't just ship it back to Dell and say "hey! fix it!" so i don't know what to do...i guess i can start asking around and seeing if anyone knows how to fix it...when i plug it into my computer, it just says "hardware problem." fuuuuuck. if any of you out there know anything about the workings of a Dell DJ (Gen 2) 30 GB MP3 player, PLEASE let me know...god, i hope i can get that thing fixed!
work has been shitty...as it has been ever since we got our new store manager YAY! basically, my attitude has done a complete 180 when it comes to working there. i may have complained about it in the past every now and then, but i still loved working there. i liked the people i worked with and if any shitty customers got me down, there was always one of my regulars right behind them letting me know i am appriciated. but not even they can make me fell good about being there. i've been working there for about a year now and i've got nothing to show for it. i ALMOST got promoted. but, no, i'm too happy. ok, cool. i can deal with that. i'll just ask for a raise...this is how that went:
me: anna, can i talk to you about maybe getting a raise?
anna: ahahahaha!
me: (serious)
anna: oh! you're serious, um....well, now is not the right time for that.
alright...alright...this chick doesn't know me that well - i'll show her what i can do - show her that i deserve to have my hours and that i AM worth a raise. i kick everyone's ass (even hers) in sales for 3 weeks...still no raise. hell, i;m in more trouble than i was to begin with and i don't know why. the past 2 weeks, i have been sucking major ass in sales...i can't remember what i've sold if i've sold anything at all. becky pulls me aside, write-up ready for my signing and asks me what the deal is. i tell her that i am tired of being underappreciated. i work my ASS off and for what? i come 1 short of my goals and suddenly i'm a huge fuck up? but when i hit my goals, fucking blow them out of the water, everyone wants to take credit for it, saying "you see? i pushed you to do that!" hell no! don't tell me i'm a fuck up and then try to take credit for my fucked up-ed-ness! becky says that anna is looking to promote someone, she's just not sure who and that if i really want it, i should show her that i am worth it. like i haven't in the past. bitch, please. when you LAUGH IN MY FACE when i ask for a raise, the attitude ain't gonna be very good. it's time for people to start kissing MY ass. you want the drop box cleaned out? you want me to run the games? block in the new ones? convert BSI? clean out the inside of the dumpster? not until you do something for me. this whole "let's walk over phylicia because she takes it like a bitch" is coming to an end. phylicia's been taking it her whole life, in every aspect of her life and now she's starting to realize that she's getting sick of it. either promote me or give me an extra quarter an hour. i know i've proved my worth of that over the past year - help me and i will help you. i still make now what i made when i started - show me what my double shifts and clean-up crew work has purchased. give me what i deserve and i will be the way i was before. i will sell your shit, keep your fucking store clean and be nice to everyone who calls and/or steps up to that counter. i will be that happy girl with the bright yellow flower in her hair and the shooting star drawn next to her eye. i will be that stargirl again when i know she is appreciated.
i might be getting a weekend job at the Harley Davidson shop. i have an interview on the 11th at 11 (hehehe). it's only for the weekends, so i would still stay at blockbuster (or find somewhere else to pay throughout the week) i think it would be cool to work there. i hope i get the job. i need all the extra money i can get. between the cell phone bill and all the freakin' medical bills that came out of nowhere, i've been left dirt broke after the past 3 paychecks. my credit card bill is gonna be close to $500....why? gas money, groceries. jason said he's going to help me pay it since he was running low on money after his last paycheck and couldn't chip in for gas, so that's a bit of a relief. he paid the rent to my mom - we're each supposed to pay $75, but since i've got medical shit coming out the ass, he paid for both of us...i will say this - the next time my teeth hurt or i'm sick, i'll just ride it out. it's cheaper to die with bad teeth. here's hoping more money comes my way soon!
hmmm...going to my dad's house tomorrow for his 4th of july party! gonna be fun woot!! it was funny when jason got to meet my dad and his side of the family at xtopher's graduation party. he was so nervous, he wouldn't eat! so i said "i will pet your peepee!!" to cheer him up and he laighed and relaxed a little bit. i think everyone there knew about us getting married, but only person said anything to us. diane - what a lady. she's on my step-grandpa's side of the family. she asked us about how he proposed and if we set a date and all that stuff. it was cool to see someone that happy for us...and they all seemed to like jason pretty well. they'll all get a better taste for each other tomorrow...it's gonna be interesting. please god, don't let anything TOO bad happen!
alright well, it's almost 3am and i guess i could try to go to sleep now...still not really tired but the light of the screen and the rythmn of jason's snoring is relaxing me enough to the point where sleep seems at least possible. if anyone out there read all of this, thank you! you are awesome! please leave comments and i will go read your life and comment! lol! anywho, i will you all next time - prolly with pix from the party. kaye is coming and she's bringing her camera...there will be pictures. oh yes, there will be pictures :) 'nighty night!!!Current Mood:  awake |
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i-i-i-i-i....i am fuckin' speechless right now. i...kevin left the backstreet boys. KEVIN LEFT THE BACKSTREET BOYS?! i-i-i-i-i....i wanna cry but the tears won't come.
ORLANDO, Fla. — The Backstreet Boys are saying goodbye to the oldest member of their band, according to a statement posted on the group's Web site Saturday.
Kevin Richardson, 33, said he was leaving to purse other interests.
"It was a very tough decision for me but one that was necessary in order to move on with the next chapter of my life,"Richardson said in the statement.
The Orlando-based pop band ushered in a new teen-music craze in the late 90's, buoyed by their soulful harmonies, synchronized dance steps, clean-cut good looks and charm. Their three albums sold a total of more than 35 million copies.
The group took a hiatus in 2001 after A.J. McLean's highly publicized entry into rehab forced the band to postpone their"Black&Blue"tour. They reunited to release the album"Never Gone"in 2005.
The remaining members, McLean, Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, and Brian Littrell, said they had no plans to replace Richardson.
"The door will always be open for him to return to the Backstreet Boys. We wish him the all the best in his future endeavors,"they said on the band's Web site.
The group plans to return to the studio this weekend to begin work on their next album, which is due later this year.
Calls and an e-mail sent to the group's publicist, Sonia Muckle, were not immediately returned to The Associated Press on Saturday.
Source: Yahoo!
God, don't take the backstreet boys away from me!!! my boys...my boys...i guess everyone has a right to rub it in my face. HAHAHAHAHA go ahead...you all were right...i have to go take some pictures down...god STOP FUCKING WITH ME Current Mood:  shocked Current Music: i love to say fuck - murderdolls |
hello internet land. how is everyone? good, good i hope. anywho, tis that time for a update from little 'ol me. i'll just follow the title's lead.
me and jordan broke up. yeah. the details are a little muddy - weird things happened, but they happened nonetheless. we're still friends (i think) but i'm pretty sure all his friends hate me, so i dunno how it goes. i kept getting messages and calls and nasty messages from his phone...just seemed really weird, but things had been weird for awhile, so i took it in stride. one chapter ends so a new one can begin, i suppose.
jason and me are back together now. i was single for 10 minutes before he scooped me back up. we had been talking as friends since he came back from florida...getting to know each other as people first, something we didn't really do the first time i around. it's awesome. he's living with me now. the plans to move in with sally fell through, so we're living in my room, paying my mom rent and buying our own groceries. it's nice. everyday i wake up and smile...for no apparent reason at all. he's there, i'm there....smile. we get each other more than we realized we did. we both have true horrors in our past and have both learned from them...nothing can take us down now that we are together. we've been through hell and back - there's nothing we can't handle. we're getting married. yeah, we are. i have a ring - it's real *cough*blockbuster*cough* save your judgement, we've heard enough.
birthday! kaye turned 21 woot!!! lol! she didn't get smashed or anything (which is good because it seems kinda dumb...but maybe one day she will lol) we all went over to her house and had a good old-fashioned asian party lol! her cousins played some songs on the drums and guitar - they're really good! we sang some karaoke and had a fight club lmao...they all got to meet jason too, which was cool. i like to show off my man, dammit lol. we all just had a lot of fun!! there were some soggy peanuts that confused me lol but all was well when the BBQ beef stix were served! YUMMY!!! and pansit!! more yummy!!! aaah, i love kaye's family parties. here's hoping to go to more this summer!!! she took a ton of pix and sent me some. here are a few :)
  
  
  
fun times :) well, that's pretty much all i've got at the moment. a couple big events i guess, but it's all fun :) send me some messages people!!! i am still aliiiiive!!! lol see ya'll next time!Current Mood:  dorky Current Music: afi - miss murder |
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prom pictures!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
yaaaay! ummm...been a bit of a recluse lately. dunno why. just been kinda down i suppose. i went and hung out with punky, rob and megan saturday night. that was an experience - pretty cool. i got my hours back at work...for this week, anyway :) 33.50! woot! now if only i wasn't so tired lol. oh well. gotta make the bacon. my silver tooth (or cap?) fell out the other day...too much gum chewing, i guess. it hurt like a bitch! lol. i cemented it back in...tooth cement of course. have to go to the dentist on wednesday to get it fixed...hopefully it won't be too expensive...but knowing my monetary luck, it will be. aye....freakin' religion has been fucking with me lately. it may have a bit to do with being a recluse for the past week or so. some lady came into work today and as i was checking out her movies, she asked me if jesus was in my life. when i told her that, no not at the moment, she told me i was going to hell and that i was living in sin or some shit like that...then she told me to have a nice day. i swear, i've been told 10 million times this week that i'm going to hell because i don't eat, breathe and shit religion. i once was saved, but i suppose i am the sheep that wandered off or whatever. strangers, don't push your shit on me - i believe what i believe and whether you think i'm going to hell or not, i don't need to hear it every single day. i already know. sheesh, sorry. got a little hot there. well, sorry for the anger - hope you like the pictures! Current Mood:  tired Current Music: gone without goodbye - brian littrell |
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wooo update! lol bout time, huh? yeah...well, new layout is the most obvious thing that's new (xanga, myspace). silly brian. i know it's bright but eh...happier times are ahead (let's hope) comments are pretty :)
prom was fun! dinner was crazy expensive...but also delicious. i took pictures and due to my busi-ness and my tiredness from all the busi-ness, i don't have any to show you lol. scanning pix takes a long time! we'll see if i can get a couple of the good ones up sometime :) all in all, it was a nice time...even though the dj sucked lol. but still...i was happy to be with my friends (although they were the only people i knew there) and happy to be with my boy :)
jordan got a job at wal-mart-yay! good for him...he's getting an xbox 360 and shiz...we've got one at blockbuster that someone traded soooo yeah lol. even though i can't pay for it myself, it's nice to know i can help him get it lol. i just hope he's not thoroughly disappointed with it or anything. that would blow...he also said he'll take me to joe's crab shack...never been there but i know i will not be having the fish, lest the hives come back and infest my mouth lol. good news for jordacious :)
hmmm...work has been...eh...we're under new management and i know changes come with a new store manager, but this is getting ridiculous. when we switched store managers from steve to jeff, it wasn't quite the upheaval that switching from jeff to anna is turning out to be. i can't find ANYTHING because she's taken the task of moving everything to where she wants it to be...which is fine - move all you want...JUST TELL PEOPLE WHERE YOU MOVE STUFF! it took me almost 2 weeks to find out where she had hidden all the new game coverart and when i finally did find it and file it all away and everything, she moved the gamecube, 360 and psp coverart AGAIN...i found it faster this time, but a little "hey i moved this here!" would be nice! it's not just coverart either...every week we get to play the "try to find the _____" insert an object in the blank. she also brought in all these people from her old store...no promotions for us on the "inside." for some reason, they don't like me. angie is rude to me for what reason, i can't figure out. i've only worked with her twice...friendly conversation is not something she wants to take up with me. becky seems alright, but she talks to me like i'm 2. yeah, i know i'm silly and stuff, but i still get shit done. no need to lecture me for laughing too much. and i guess anna thinks i'm "too happy." i'm still not sure what to make of that statement. and i'm "too personal" with the customers...any regulars i have, i'm not supposed to be friendly with? ah. it's all messed up. i thought it would get better the longer she was there, but things seems to be getting more and more complicated. with all the new people she brought in, i don't get very many hours anymore. this week, i have 15...wait 17 because sally let me come in to help her a couple hours early. i sold a ton of shit last week, which is apparently what our hours are based on...i'm curious to see if my 2 onlines, 6 rewards and 2 game passes will earn me back my time. if not, i'm gonna have to get another part-time job. that way, when i only work 2 days a week at blockbuster, i'll have some other place to go earn my bill money with...aye yi yi, all messed up...
my friends are out of school now! yaaay! we went to the movies and dinner last night. we saw "just my luck." wasn't bad - kind of a stretch, but decent. ate at friday's - yummy! how i miss that place. summertime i get my friends back lol. from fall until early spring, i don't have any friends - college steals them away from me, but come summertime, i have friends again! yaaay!! lol! it was fun fun fun fun times :)
well, i guess i'll stop here for now...one blurb of life at a time, yeah? lol...gonna go open a savings account so i can save up so that i can pay rent! yesss, i'm moving out in a couple months...found myself a roomate...or, i should say, she asked me. it'll be nice for both of us to have the company :) and i won't have to worry about people stealing my stuff when i'm gone *cough*mysister*cough* anywho, i will see ya'll next time :) stay dry!
May. 17th, 2006 @ 02:56 pm
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| » color |
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got bored and colored in a picture...ah the magic of photoshop!!  <---click me to see!
May. 7th, 2006 @ 02:19 am
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| » uplift myself |
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the world seems so cold
when i face so much all alone
a little scared to move on
in knowing how fast i have grown
and i wonder just where i fit in
i hold a vision of life in my hands
i can't let go now
even when darkness surrounds
and if i hold on
i will show the world
all the things they never expected to see from little 'ol me
this quiet girl
and i wonder just where my place is
i close my eyes and remind myself of this...
it comforts me
it keeps me alive each day of my life
always guiding me and providing me
with the hope i desperately need
i've gotta believe that there's something out there
meant for me
i get on my knees
praying i will recieve
the courage to grow and the faith to know that
i will be...
strong on my own
i will see through the rain
i will find my way
i will keep on
traveling this road
until i finally reach my dreams
until i'm living and i'm breathing
my destiny...
Apr. 27th, 2006 @ 04:09 am
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| » create |
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for someone who knows who he is
Apr. 18th, 2006 @ 03:08 pm
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| » The Zombie Apocolypse |
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we all must prepare for the Zombie Apocolypse. i am part of a survival team so that when the dead live again, i will be ready. these are my party members:
Jordan: He can easily sneak up behind anyone or anything, not afraid to kill the zombies who may be eating his friends and family. We are his friends, he has our backs. Loyalty is his greatest strength.
Chris: His eyes will catch anything that may be a threat to our group. Once the enemy has been scouted, Chris will plunge into action, delivering a few mean spin kicks or any other means nessecary to take out the walking dead. If he gets in too deep, he can dip out like none other. Fast footwork is his greatest strength.
Tom: He can take control of any situation, preventing panic from spreading through the team. With his silent courage and passive authority, he will maintain order in our group. If we are to survive, it is because he will put us all in the right place at the right time. Leadership is his greatest strength.
Tyler: He will give us the upper hand with the tools we will need to survive the zombie raid. When shotguns, knives and molotov cocktails became primitive in the fight with the undead, he will find some way to combine them all in a way that all any of us wll have to do is press a button on the remote control he has fashioned out of an old Hot Pocket box to unleash our attack. Brilliance is his greatest strength.
Zane: He is the brick wall that will stand between our party and death. Short but sturdy, he can take out any obstacle that should stand in our way. He defies gravity, so any threat that should present itself stands no chance agaisnt him. His footsteps thump louder than the bass of the best systems, striking fear into the unbeating hearts of the enemy. Intimidation is his greatest strength.
Phylicia (myself): I can get you from point A to point B and out past point C before you've had time to fasten your seatbelt. The blue Mustang is a fast machine, but when I drive it through the zombie infested streets with our team all aboard, the V6 turns into a V8 and we can speed through any infested areas without risk of being caught. Not afraid to take a turn going 100 miles per hour, should we need a quick getaway to the rendezvous point (our team has chosen Wal-Mart) we will have no trouble in getting there quickly. Precision driving is my greatest strength.
Will all our combined talents and strengths, we feel confident that we can and will survive the Zombie Apocolypse. Start planning now because if you are not ready for it when it comes, our team will not slow down or take the risk to save you.
Apr. 17th, 2006 @ 02:04 pm
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| » insufficient funds...? |
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doctor bill= $65
credit card bill= $70+
car insurance= $361.50
current funds= $423.09 (or less...the bank website and my math are screwy)
moving out into a place of my own= not gonna happen...yet.
ah yes, even i, the often inner negative one, still have a tiny shred of hope left for this silly little plan of independence. i will say that if another HUGE expense comes up out of NOWHERE, that tiny shred of hope will probably vanish along with the money to pay for it...but jordan says by my birthday - that's what i'll go for.
p.s. - happy birthday dad
Apr. 14th, 2006 @ 07:11 am
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| » remains of the day |
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today, today, what shall i talk about today?
so i woke up at 6:30 this morning to take my sister to school. when i got home, for some reason, i felt like i couldn't do ANYTHING before i took a shower - i don't know why, i didn't smell and i wasn't dirrty. but i took a shower and hoped that i could go back to sleep afterwards. i had to read for a little bit, but i finally did drift back off to sleep. sally called me from blockbuster at about 1:20 pm, to see what i was doing. i was still sleeping lol. i didn't want to sleep that late (most of the time, i feel bad for sleeping that late) but i did and i'm glad she called because i needed to get up. she said "what are you doing sleeping at 2 in the afternoon?!" my answer, so lame, was "because!" lol she said "because you can? hahaha! ok well then i'll let you go back to sleep!" after i hung up, i got up and beautified myself the best i could lol. pigtails, white flower, camo pants...yeah, it was an ok looking day.
i went downstairs to play some smackdown vs raw 2006. i played through the rest of my season mode with Brian (iiiiii was the champion!!) and then i made Zane, to complete my collection of friends lol. he's HUGE and he looks like 50 cent...doesn't really look like him in the face though, but i havent seen him enough to get it totally right...tweaking down the line will be nessecary. anywho, then jordan and chris came over, followed shortly by posi-tom. we all played wrestling for awhile, then decided we were all hungry. we were gonna go to blockbuster so i could the new pre-streets, so we decided to try the mexican place over there: el puerto. it was yummy, but expensive. tom forgot his wallet, so i took care of it. i'm gonna be a bitch and ask him to play me back for him and chris, only because i really wanna move out and any money i can keep i want. but it was cool...chris dipped out super fast because he thought we were gonna try to make him pay when we all know he doesn't have any money lol. so we lost him for a few minutes there. he was at blockbuster. i ended up getting "aeon flux," "hostel," and "aladdin."
when we got back to my dad's, tom left because he wanted to go find his wallet. he left it at home, turns out. me, jordan and chris watched aladdin...sang along and laughed and stuff. good times, good times. i forgot how funny that movie was!
abu: (swings sword around menacingly)
gaurd 1: (high-pitched scared voice) HE'S GOT A SWORD!
abu:(continues to swing sword)
gaurd 2: you idiots!! we've all got swords!
muahahahahahaha! good stuff. after aladdin ended, the boys left (jordan for school and chris for the mall, i believe) and i went back to blockbuster...heard the latest gossip (crazy, but for whatever reason, not surprising) did a couple e-courses on the computer, hung out with jen and megz on their lunches, then decided that even blockbuster was too boring and came back here. jordan called and we chatted for awhile while he drove hom from night school...he's gonna call me again later, so that's cool. helped my dad put some pictures on a cd...pretty normal stuff. i ate some chips-n-cheese for dinner whislt watching "fever pitch" on the movie channel. i forgot how much i love that movie. i'm gonna have to sit down and watch it again soon.
after dinner, i came back on here and tried to do a little more apartment hunting. seems like there's not much out there for schamys like me lol. i'm just looking, trying to give myself some options of places to go, but there's NOTHING. i've found 2 in my price range, but one of them (the cheaper one) is downtown and if i move there, no one will visit me :( it's just an option though. the other one is A LOT closer though and it seems like a nice place. it's $339 a month, plus i don't know what else...it's all so confusing. i wish one of my parents would help look and REALLY make a good choice, because i sometimes get the feeling that what i'm reading on these internet listings isn't all the info i should be looking at...maybe my mom can help me when she feels better. anywho, here's the close place and pretty much my first choice:
http://www.rent.com/apartments/indiana/indianapolis-and-vicinity/indianapolis/greenwood/432889/?emailclass_id=87&email_id=647725715
well, that was a long entry. if you're still reading: wow! you have quite the attention span! good job! and if you're not...well, screw ya, you're not gonna see this anyway if you've stopped reading HAHA! lol sorry, i'm being weird. anywayz, i guess that's all for now. i'll go read or something...next time, i may write something about the zombie apocolypse, so stayed tuned for that! ummmm....the ending...okbye!
Apr. 12th, 2006 @ 09:59 pm
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| » places |
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so i realize that i've started falling back into the habit of adding updates few and far between...sorry peeps. life, as it were, sometimes takes too much of a hold of me and i forget about anything else...the things that give me a little escape from life. but, i guess i can scrounge up something to tell ya'll about.
i started looking for apartments yesterday...or the day before? i can't remember, so we'll just say: i started looking for apartments recently. there. that's better. i'm just tired of going back and forth between my parents and dealing with living with my sister and (more often than not) her friends. i no longer own kingdom hearts 2 because of this, but anyway! i think it would be nice to have MY OWN place - just me and little b-rok and whoever i feel like inviting over. don't have to worry about being blamed for someone else's mess or having to put up with being verbally abused everyday by someone. i can invite jordacious over and we can be alone, not have to worry about 10,000 people running through the door when we're trying to watch a movie...hang out with my friends when i want without worrying about someone getting pissy at me for having them over....seems like an all around positive thing to me! we'll see what happens.
what else? ummm...i think that's all i have at the moment. megz is here and we're going to taco bell now. so i will see you people later...and i promise to try and start updating more!! k? bye!!
Apr. 7th, 2006 @ 01:06 pm
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| » new layout and little things |
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new layout! new layout! (http://www.xanga.com/ruff_rydin_brian) v for vendetta is a freakin SWEET movie...if you haven't seen it, i suggest you make plans to. i've seen it twice now. very symbolic in nature, but it has a...hmmm...empowering message, i guess you could say. comments are pretty :)
in other news, not much happening. been working, hanging out with jordan and friends...and just chilling, really.
i went with jordan to his grandpa's funeral - it was really nice, but so very sad. "people cry at funerals." they did a 21 gun salute (i think it's called) and i put one of my white flowers by the grave...it was all i had to give and i hope it wasn't not my place to put it there. it was sad but good all at the same time...just so many sad people.
work has been going good. nothing's for sure, but i just got "enrolled" in some e-courses...don't wanna say too much of anything because nothing is ever for sure lol. but it would be cool, nonetheless. never would have expected it to be me, of all people. but it's cool. we shall see what we shall see.
prom is less than a month away now. i'm not the giddy prom girl or anything, but i just have a lot of hope for it. i wanna be pretty, i wanna have fun. i want my dress to still fit. no more cookies. i don't wanna embarass jordacious lol...ok, i'm excited. i need to practice walking in those shoes some more though.
ummm...i think that's really all i've got at the moment...just little life updates. i think i should be going home soon to be with my mommy again. i can't wait. i miss her. i miss my room. i miss patton. i miss my home. so that is what i look forward to for now :) see ya'llz next time!
ps - those of you who are on the "photoshop" list - my sister took my discs without me knowing and so they are still at my house, in her room...as soon as i get home, i will find them and give you the program. i'm not making off with your cd's, i promise!
Mar. 30th, 2006 @ 03:09 pm
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| » too thoughtful to sleep... |
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did you ever have a night where your thoughts just wouldn't let you sleep? i'm having one right now. i've got a millions thoughts running through my head and all of them are stupid insecurities that shouldn't bother me...but they do. two in particular.
work: sometimes i feel underappreciated; sometimes i feel good; sometimes i feel used and like i'm being walked all over (and i let it happen); other times, i feel like i'm not doing anything right...like i can live for the standards or something. things i shouldn't notice or even think about again, but i do. i feel bad for saying something about my schedule...what right do i have to be so picky? i was working every morning for a few weeks there and it was taking a lot out of me. i felt like i had to do everything by myself. trades, drop box, customers, pool point on wednesdays - all of it done before i left. i had the mindset that things like that were just being left for me to do. "oh, don't mess with the drop box - phylicia will do it when she gets here." i don't mind doing it because i know it's part of my job and what i'm paid to do and i'm SO thankful to still have a job...it's actually letting me start to plan a little for a future. not having to live with either of my parents anymore...not being a letch anymore is actually possible. there are just some times when i'm screaming on the inside for someone to help me out with those things. hey, i'm grabbing these movies out of the drop box so it's not so full, think you could maybe grab those people for me real quick? but i don't ask because i know that the manager has projects and higher things to do...things i can't do. i don't know what most of them are but i figure they're important and above my little things to do. i wish all the "little things" i do would get acknowledged more sometimes. not all the time because i'm not so concieted and i don't always do a good job anyway. both times Jeff took my aside and told me that he appreciates my work and that i really was doing a good job, i was SO happy that i wanted to cry! i think i did cry the first time he did after he left and i was alone on my lunch. i cired black tears of happiness (i wear dark eye make-up if you don't follow the "black tears" thing lol.) i get along with everyone at work...they all seem to like me too. i don't know for sure how they all really feel about me but i think i'm well-tolerated. i know i'm weird and i'm brash and i say crazy things that don't make too much sense, so i worry what they all must think of me. sometimes, it keeps me awake. i consider them all my friends, even though the fratnerazation (sp?! lol) rule should quell that. i can see the reasoning behind it and stuff, but i can seperate one relationship from the other. i wouldn't expect any special treatment from anyone at work just because we're friends. i mean, if sally or jen had to write me up for something i did wrong, i would understand and i wouldn't ask for anything else. i can distinguish work from play (in this aspect anyway lol). i wouldn't be like "well we had lunch together the other day! how could you write me up?! i thought we were friends!" but rules are rules, i guess...i see my co-workers and superiors as people first and as colleagues second, i guess would be one way to put it. i wouldn't let one part bleed into the other. i didn't have any friends at my bookstore job and i didn't expect to make any when i started at blockbuster because i figured that people who worked together just didn't become friends. but i count them all as my friends anyway. if anyone ever needed me inside or outside of work, i'd be there for them in any way that i could. so, if any of you blockbuster babez are still reading this (you crazy!) thanx for being nice to me :)
PHEW! that was a long one. i've got one more big thing on my mind and then i'm hoping i'll be able to sleep...
jordan: oh, my sweet, silly boy :) he makes me so happy! the furture seems a little brighter when he's in it...sometimes i feel like i don't deserve his kindness, his attention, his time...his love. i don't know why either. sometimes i think i say or do the wrong things...that i hurt his feelings or something and don't even know it. i dunno. he's so good to me and he's been through so much and he deserves someone awesome...sometimes i don't feel good enough for him. he always says and does such nice things...i don't feel worthy of it. i love him...yeah, i really do...wow...but i wonder if it's good enough...if it's enough, period. i just don't wanna let him down, that's all. i'm never going to lie to him or cheat on him or intentionally hurt him...i just worry that my best isn't going to be good enough in the end. or that i'm going to do or say something stupid without thinking and mess it all up and lose him...my silly boy...i do try my best, but i'm always wondering...is it good enough? i find myself worrying, saying things after he leaves for the night or after we hang up the phone before sleep...things like: "should i have said that?"-"should i hav kissed him that last time?"-"should i feel bad for keeping him a few minutes longer than he could stay?"-"should i have asked him to call me?" silly little things, i'm sure...sometimes my fears take over my mind and i worry about stupid things; things i know won't happen, but i think them anyway. i'll get this feeling that he's not gonna stay and burns within me. the fear of losing him...of slipping away...i feel like my place is always beside him...sheesh, i wish i didn't need you so bad - your face never goes away. it hurts to need someone this much...but i love it. as much as i worry, i can't get enough of the happiness he brings me. sometimes he'll stop by work when i don't expect it and no matter how my day has been, it always gets better when he's there...when he's there, nothing else matters. not the drop box, not the sales, not the customers and all their bullshit...in those few minutes that he's there to see ME...i'm free. and i'm happy...yeah, happy. i'm finally happy, something i never ever thought i would really be...i just hope he's happy with me too...i don't wanna lose this feeling i have whenever he's around...man...i love him. it's so awesome! he loves me too...that's even more awesome!!! :) :) :) :)
well, it feels good to get those things out of my mind and onto somethnig else. i just hope it's all not better left unsaid. i think i'll be able to sleep now...one thing is for sure though -- my insecurities could eat me alive.
Mar. 15th, 2006 @ 02:38 pm
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| » layout and stuff |
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made a new layout (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=ruff_rydin_Brian) ...couldn't go back to sleep after taking my sister to school...photobucket is being gay, but i made it work...pain in the ass...seems i've got a few requests for my photoshop program lol. leave wurd if that's you so i can make a list (i often forget these things)...aloha bitches.
Mar. 13th, 2006 @ 08:56 am
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| » pepper |
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went to church...ate taco bell...got a huge amount of mountain dew spilled on me by jordan lol. it was hellacious...he's a butthead lol. then! it came back to him because he "accidently" sprayed himself in the face with my mace. cried like a little bitch...lol just kidding...not like a bitch, but therewas crying. anywho, i took a picture of it with my cellie and made a sweet graphic - check it out noobs.
^^the ninja master...or summin. byez.
Mar. 12th, 2006 @ 03:47 pm
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| » playboy, pops & flav's lesbians |
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ok soooo...i'm going to stay with my pops for awhile because my mom has to go have some more treatments for her cancer. worried, as always, but i think it's gonna be ok...i hope. YES it will.  yes...anywayz!!! so that's where i'm going tomorrow on my day off...moving me and little b in for awhile...i got the "walk the line" soundtrack - freakin' sweet!!! i love movies that have good music. love that junk...ummm my sally had a heart attack!  but she's ok THANK GOD! dunno what i'd do without my sally!! ummm...other than that, there's not much else going on...WHOA!!! Flavor Flav's ladies are lesbians?!?!?! WOOOOO-HA! lol!!! sorry, "flavor of love" is on in the background...OH! one more thing, for the boys out there. i bought an issue of Playboy because my girl, willa ford, is in it...and i made a desktop wallpaper out of some of the pix (with strategically placed bars) i dabble in graphic making (if you didn't already know lol) sooo, hopefully i don't get reported to anyone for this, but feel free to take a peek and leave a comment :) talk to ya'z soonz!!!! 
Feb. 26th, 2006 @ 10:57 pm
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| » schmee |
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eeeeck there's trouble in paradise...not my paradise; katy and kyle are fighting in the next room. sounds yucky. but anywayz...
so, little b-rok had a near death experience. he had a massive kidney infection and almost died...he's doing a lot better now and hopefully tomorrow will be his last visit to the vet for awhile...it's gonna cost me a total of $816 and some odd cents. eeeck. won't be doing much until that's all paid off...not to mention my credit card bill. but, i think i can handle it. i just wish these crisises would stop popping up - everytime i get a little saved away for a place of my own, something huge comes up, like car insurance, new tires for the car, b-rok getting majorly sick. aye yi yi. hopefully once all this junk is paid off, i can really start saving so i can try to be on my own. gotta say thanx to my dad though - he gave me $500 in cash when b-rok got sick. i don't think little b would be better if he hadn't've done that for me. we had a nice little talk too...no matter how much he has damaged me, i know my daddy loves me.
what else? just been working and hanging out with jordan, for the most part. few family functions here and there. jordacious is tons of fun; his mom and step dad are hella cool. it's good to know nice people have nice people too...or something. i hope they like me though lol. they like little b...but who doesn't? lol just kidding ;D megz is getting married in 7 years or less - yay!!! congrats and all that jazz ;) "oh the taste of love is sweet..." "walk the line" is a bad ass movie - make sure ya'll watch that shit. "the weather man" was awesome too but not a lot of people are agreeing with me on that, so yeah lol. guess you should make your own decision on that one - but i reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaally liked it! work has been going good, i suppose. tired of working all these mornings in a row though. waking up early takes a toll on me lol. i'm a creature of the night, as it were. all i ask is for a nice mix of days and nights...i'm just happy to be working though. if days is all i can have, then i'll deal with it. creepy people come in during the day though...like the pizza man! and mr. snuggles! and dwight! but there are some cool people who come in during the day from time to time...like danny! and ms. brouwer! and tony! can't complain much about it :) wanna send a shout out to my peeps at bizzy-lock-bus-tizzer!
alright, i guess that's enough for now. i'm off to finish the breadsticks i had for lunch. goodbye schmees...and schmoes ;)
Feb. 21st, 2006 @ 06:07 pm
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b_rok_o_holic's journal
